autisticalice: (hello; anime)
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I love making friends
so don't be afraid to add me

This blog is about a girl who lives in her own wonderland. What you see are things she thinks about, adventures she partakes in and whatever else she can come up with. So strap in for a ride and hold on tight because it might be really bumpy and even scary! 

A few things to remember before you add me:

1.) I cuss. :) Whenever I am mad or ranting, I have a tendency to cuss.
2.) I have no religion. The reason is because I don't believe in religion.
3.) I support anyone regardless of race, gender, orientation, sexuality, disability and religion. I believe that everyone is human because we are all living on the same earth. I don't believe in the hate our world has become.
4.) This Dreamwith has become semi-friends only. Registered Users and guests will be able to see stuff about writing only but nothing else as I like to have my privacy. Please don't add me just to see what those private things are.
autisticalice: (fanfiction; akuroku)
Let us count the days of 

Warning: This fanfiction contains boy x boy fluff. If you don't support gay couples, then this fanfiction isn't for you.

I've never down a yaoi fanfiction before so you guys will have to help me. I mean those who DO like yaoi. If I have any friends who do that is. It's Christmas fanfiction and I want to do it early so i can plan it out.

The Plot )


Keith Urban - Only you could love me this way
Elvis Presley - Blue Christmas
Andy Williams - It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year
Hilary Duff - Santa Claus is Coming to Town
My Chemical Romance - All I want for Christmas is you 
Fall out boy - What's this? (It fits because he doesn't know about Christmas)
Simple Plan - My Christmas List (This song is cute. XD It fits Roxas)  

The thing about this fanfiction is its not going to be like "Chapter 1" then "Chapter 2" etc. It's going to be like 358/2 days, except its not following the actual games they are in. Think of it as some alternate universe if you wish. :D I wanted to make an intro on it because It's going to be a christmas special and you might see a bunch of entries with the fanfictions.

I do hope you will post, for those that like yaoi and/or AkuRoku as well. As for those that don't enjoy it  I'll stick it under a spoiler and put the warning label so you don't ACCIDENTALLY click the link. I'm also going to set it to "adult concepts" so maybe that will help too.

Also, don't worry about not being able to read it, if you don't celebrate Christmas. I plan on including other cultures too since I think it's a good idea for Roxas to learn about what other people celebrate, other than Christmas. 

For now, this is just an introduction. This will go up before all of my other entries where it can also be seen.

Roxas's Attire:

Axel's Attire:

A new plan

Oct. 1st, 2012 07:36 pm
autisticalice: (Default)
I've decided that Xion is going to be the one who is Jewish. I forgot Demyx is kind of lazy and doesn't like doing anything. I want to do something more interesting and comical for his character that fits him. XD I'm not sure what yet but I know I'll think of something. I'm still trying to work on the plot but i really need help. I don't know any KH friends and that really sucks a lot. I could check around on LJ but I don't know if I'd find an active one. D:

autisticalice: (Default)
New stuff under the cut! )

I also got the new Fallen novel. I figured I'd give the books a chance. They look really good. Oh and i got a new collar for Kaito. That way I know where he is or I drop him and I'll know. XD
autisticalice: (Default)
 Three of the goals Roxas has in this story are:
  • Learning about Christmas and what is so special about it.
  • Learning about OTHER holidays that people celebrate instead of Christmas (IE Hanukkah)
  • reaching Axel after being seperated before Christmas ends.
And then the two conflicts:
  • Discovers that not everyone enjoys Christmas and that some people are geniune Scrooges. (IE Larxene and Marluxia)
  • Becomes separated from Axel because of family/friend differences.
Though, i feel like it needs something more. D: I already have everything planned out in my head but... what happens if I lose those general ideas I get after halloween? What more can I do to make this an excellent story? I'm at a loss for ideas and stuff right now so I guess I'm asking for some help. >_<
autisticalice: (Default)
 These are ideas for my christmas story. Again, I know it's early but it's better to plan now. I'm making my deadline by Halloween, if not by thanksgiving. XD

The first idea is:

Roxas tries to find a perfect gift for his best friend Axel. He has no idea what Axel wants without making it obvious he is going to get it. But soon her realizes it's what comes from the heart that counts the most.

Second Idea:

Roxas wonders why some people say happy holidays and not merry christmas. (This one will start by him wanting to learn more about the other holidays as well. Demyx will celebrate the jewish holiday since he strikes me as that type of person.)

Third idea:

Roxas experiences Demyx's holiday which is Hanukkah. He learns about how Demyx's holiday started and about the menorah.

So yeah... those are ideas. I can think of ideas but I'm so clueless about what to do for the plot, aside from the smaller things. I want it to be a good solid plot. D:

autisticalice: (Default)
 These are questions for my AkuRoku Christmas project that I need people to answer. They won't all be about Christmas. You are welcome to include your own holiday you celebrate. It will actually help me understand how to get into my fanfiction. If you celebrate Christmas, then you can answer the questions that way. I know every answer will be different, depending on the holidays and your experiences.

1.) How would you explain your holiday (Christmas, hanakkuh, etc...) to a child who has never heard of it or experienced it before?

2.) How would you show that child the joys and happiness of the holiday you celebrate? (for this one, Demyx is going to be jewish in this case since he strikes me as that. I got this idea where maybe Roxas gets to experience his holiday and whatever with the menorah.)

3.) What kind of things are really important for the holiday that you celebrate?

4.) How do you celebrate this holiday with your family?
autisticalice: (Default)
 I want to fit in the sounds that an autistic person makes. Some of them tend to make odd noises. I make them at home in my room when I get excited. I want to be able to explain them in a way that the makes the reader able to understand. The problem is that most of these noises are really complicated and harder to understand. 

I don't know, I may not. I mean, right now i need to figure out the plot for the fanfiction project I told you guys about. I haven't really had much progress since I met a new friend and plus, other things.So yeah... so many constant distractions. Honestly, I hate having ADHD and autism at the same time. I've gotten so used to taking my concerta that i don't want to do anything with it. I guess I could get a higher dose but... my insurance sucks... they mess things up and... ugh.

I think half the problem is that I get distracted by routine and emotional reasons. It's not that I'm distracted for the sake of ADHD. That's the trouble with having both. =.= But yeah... it's time I worked on my project.
autisticalice: (Default)
 I got bored and wanted to write this. I won't start the story until after Halloween, at least. So it does give me time to plan what it will be about and whatever. I really do need some good ideas from people that know about Kingdom Hearts and the organization 13. Oh how I wish my friends Roku and Erica were still around. =.=

Also, I can't put it under a cut since I wrote it on my iPad. It might come out sort of weird and for that I do apologize. >< I hope you will still enjoy it, even if it's not Christmas yet. :D Thing is, I actually wrote this teaser really well and I'm pleased with it.

"Axel, what is Christmas?" The blond-haired by asked his best friend that morning.
"You don't know what Christmas is?" Axel raised his eyebrow as the innocent boy shook his head. "Well... um... some people say it's a time of giving, you know like, to people in need who don't have much of anything." he tried to explain.
"People in need?" the boy continued to blink in confusion.
"Yeah, like orphans or people that are homeless or well... don't have much money. I can't explain it to you because there are things that you'd have to be shown in order to enjoy it." he told the boy as he looked down and climbed out of bed.
The boy looked out the window to see white dots floating down from the sky. He rushed to the window, noticing that this white stuff had covered the ground in icy white blankets. It was everywhere!
"It's snowing!" the boy cried with excitement.
"Oh, Roxas... you're such a child at heart." Axel chuckled as he watched Roxas's face light up in delight.

A project

Sep. 29th, 2012 09:44 am
autisticalice: (Default)
 Okay, I know Christmas isn't for another to months but... it will give me the time to come up with a project I've always wanted to do. It's on that involves my favorite yaoi pairing, Axel x Roxas bka AkuRoku. :3 I have information about it so I'll post it soon. I tried it before but i didn't have much success with it. So I figured I'd start it really early to have the time get it planned out and whatever. ^^

Okay, just skip the header and scroll down:

Yes, it's from my old journal. It's a project I started but at the time, it wasn't very successful. Though, now that I have some help, I can make it possible. :3 You don't have to know anything about the pairing but ideas on how to do this would be really helpful. It will start by the days of Christmas and will have 12 or 24 days, depending on what I can come up with between now and Christmas.
autisticalice: (Default)
 I always create a sound track for my stories. You know, songs that relate to what my character is going through. I listen to these songs while I'm writing and they play a big part because they help me get into the story more.

So the soundtrack for current story is:

Mean Girls - Rachel Crow
Firework - Katy Perry
The in Crowd - Mitchel Musso
Welcome to my life - Simple Plan
Shut Up - Simple Plan
Me against the world - Simple Plan
Your Guardian Angel - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

On another note, some things happened yesterday and last night... so I had to put off writing. I didn't get ANY sleep so I'm going to end up in one of my depressive states because of it. x_x I always do... ><;

autisticalice: (cheerful; n)
 Jade didn't start talking until she was five years old. At this early age, she was placed in speech and language therapy to help her communicate better. She also struggled at making friends and exhibited strange behaviors that were often negative as well as abusive to others, including her teachers. She didn't know how to play like other kids and usually did her own thing.

Jade started getting bullied in the second grade because of her odd behaviors and lack of social skills. Everyone know she wasn't like them and that's what started to get her bullied. She always would try to make friends but didn't quite grasp the whole concept of 'how' to make them and it often lead to kids laughing at her.

It wasn't until third grade that Jade had a nervous breakdown due to 'overstimulation and stress'. These breakdowns had worsened each time and so her parents took her to see a psychiatrist at the children's hospital. After countless tests and 'studying' her behaviors, they discovered that she had a mild to moderate form of autism.

Jade still struggled in school and dealt with ignorant teachers who treated her like shit, as well as students who excluded her from their activities during recess and gym class. All of this time, she bottled up these emotions because she couldn't express them the same way and never really seemed to cry much, as much as she actually wanted to.

Okay, this is just a start. I haven't actually put much thought into her history. Some of it is from my experiences growing up. Though, she was diagnosed with autism early than i was.

If anyone has any ideas to help me with this... it would be great. I've never written a back history for my character before. D:
autisticalice: (happiness; katy)
 I'm thinking I might start my first chapter where the reader gets a first glimpse of Jade's home life since, a new idea I have, is how she falls into a deep depression which leads to cutting and self-harm. Her mother is a drunk because Jade's father was killed in a car accident just recently and has placed an impact on her mother's life. Jade still has an autistic spectrum disorder (I won't say Asperger Syndrome since I want it to be a mixed form of Autism). Her eighteen year old sister is has to take care of her as well as their mother.

Bullying will also play a big part in making Jade's life worse. I was thinking that traits of depression could start right away but be very mild and less affecting. That way the reader can get a feel for what's to come and prepare for the worst. I just need to find a few mild traits of depression that will start her off and then work my way up to the really disabling aspects, including her self-harm and cutting.

Of course, I decided to make it so Jade wants to make a difference at her school, instead of the world because it's a much smaller goal and maybe if I'm lucky, and I actually get through and finish this story, I can write a sequel where she tries to educate the world... I don't know. lol we'll see. Anyway, I was thinking that maybe, it could have something to do with what she's really into. She loves animals so maybe her goal could be to include vegetarian meals or meals for those with special needs (ie, food allergies, special diets). I just want it to have to do with her trying to make a difference at school, other than the high bullying rate, since that would seem to cliche with her being bullied as it is.

lol, sue me... I get all my ideas from Degrassi. I got the drunk mother idea from the episode where Ellie Nash starts cutting herself and the idea for Jade making a difference from Emma Nelson because she's always trying to do things that help the school or her environment. I might even have a times when Jade starts a group to help pick up trash around the school or read books to the kids who are in kindergarten... something where she is actually helping in some way and still manages to do something for her school.

One of the reasons she is bullied, is because people hate her for being so helpful and cheerful. It's something they want to destroy and ruin for her so she can be let down and whatever. Another reason is well, duh, she's different and isn't very social at all. Plus she has odd behaviors that none of them, not even the teachers really seem to understand, especially since she's really smart and isn't taken seriously as having special needs. (Mind you, I'm not saying people who really are severely disabled aren't smart. What I mean is that, it's the stereotype where they are misunderstood for NOT being smart when they actually are... if that makes sense. ><)
autisticalice: (happiness; katy)
 So this is my finished chapter. I did change a lot and it's not the same as the teaser. I hope it is a little better but it probably isn't. I know it's possibly a better improvement though.

I hope you do like it. D:
autisticalice: (RAWR; edward)
You are welcome to do this, if you are comfortable. I just decided I would mostly out of boredom and to help my fellow Dreamwidth users get to know me and my disability a lot better, since it seems more like I have developed both an online and offline persona that are both very different. XD

1.) I am the complete opposite of my online personality. In other words, I don't act the same way I do online then what I do offline. I am actually a very shy and quiet person offline who tends to function at the level of an eight year old. You already know my online persona.

2.) I have poor motor coordination in my left hand because my right hand covers most of my dominance. This can actually cause a bit of a disability for me since when I do use my left hand, instead of my right hand (IE, shaving my legs when holding a razor, using utensils, etc...) because it feels weaker and less able to hold things properly. You might think this normal but for me, I feel like it makes my life challenging because a lot of the times, a person uses both hands variously, while I always use my right hand because it's stronger.

3.) I do require sameness/structure, especially online. That means things have to stay the same and for me, i feel that when i am used to something being what it is, then I don't think it should be changed. It's always been difficult for me because of anxiety and dislike for changes when they do happen.

4.) I do take things literally, meaning that things can hurt me online and cause triggering affects, as they would offline. I do take the tone of your words seriously because for me, it's hard to tell what you are trying to say and other times it comes off as rude, when you might not be rude at all.

5.) I am an auditory learner. That means I can hear things and memorize them through auditory. In school, this baffled my teachers because where I had such a hard time studying from books or worksheets, I still zipped through my tests with flying colors because of this. My iPad is programmed so that it will read things to me when I tell it to do so, and helps me understand what is being said better, though my computer doesn't, as it doesn't have the right tools to do so.

6.) I have trouble hearing in my right ear. I have also failed my hearing tests and hear things I don't want to hear while also NOT hearing things I do or NEED to hear... if that makes sense. I've considered this to be due to numerous ear infections growing up that have possibly damaged my hearing.

7.) I take medication regularly. My first one covers both my sensory issues and ADHD symptoms as it is an stimulant medication. My second one helps regulate my depressive states and emotional problems that used to be very disabling. I also take another medication as needed for anxiety.

8.) I am a written expressionist. One of the reasons my writing is nearly college level like is because of practice and recognizing writing as a talent for expressing myself, especially when verbal and emotional expression tend to be more weaker. Most people have trouble understanding this and think I should be rediagnosed or evaluated.

9.) I am in therapy both for medication regulation and also see a therapist to discuss things like regulating my anxiety and emotions.

10.) I have terrible reading comprehension due to what I said in number five. It makes reading very difficult, even though I can read at almost college level. If you gave me a book, told me to read and then ask me questions about what I read, I wouldn't be able to tell you because I wouldn't remember.

11.) Music is like calming therapy for me. You give me music and I won't speak for hours. I will also be more calmer in stressful situations.

12.) I carry around my Kaito plush everywhere I go. He calms me and makes me feel happier because he helped me get through Saboten without any problem.

If you want to know more, feel free to ask. XD I got bored so... yeah.

A teaser!

Sep. 23rd, 2012 06:22 pm
autisticalice: (blushing; n)
Here's a teaser i wrote for my story. By teaser, I mean it's what I have so far. It's not the best but I've been trying really hard to make it interesting. So tell me what you think~

Under the cut you go~ )

What do you think? I apologize for the way the text is. If it helps, you might want to highlight it to see. I had copy and past from my email and... it did that for some reason. O_o
autisticalice: (oshit; lelouch)
 I'm still having the hardest time with writing this story. It's like my brain just doesn't want to function or work around my ideas at all. I'm inspired to write something people can relate to and yet... I can't write anything. It's so frustrating. I need tips or something on how to get back into writing. Maybe it is writer's block and maybe it isn't.

I just want to write a story about an autistic girl making a difference in the world. I want it to be about her making sacrifices in her life as well as facing many challenges with her condition. I want it to be about her finding the inspiration to keep going and never giving up, despite getting bullied and pushed around everyday. I want it to inspire both NTs and autistic people.

That's all I want but I just don't know how to put it into a story and make it work. My mind feels like it's dead and short of any ideas. I thought of her being a peace-loving vegetarian but I think that might be a bit much for her so I might have her be just a vegetarian. D: Her true goal is to make a difference in the world and help people understand her condtiion. She wants to be an inspiration to others.

My dreams

Sep. 20th, 2012 05:43 pm
autisticalice: (happiness; katy)
One of my dreams is to meet Katy Perry. I would do anything to meet her. I don't care what it is. I love her to death because she's my biggest inspiration. I've always been so misunderstood and always afraid to show people who I really am. I grew up living in a world of my own where no one was allowed inside. It made me withdraw and become a big shell. I was bullied growing up because of those differences. I couldn't make friends because I didn't know how. I wasn't like everyone else.

I feel glad that Katy is out there because I feel like I'm not the only one who is different. I'm not the only one who wants to show everyone my true colors. I want people to see me for me and not someone that I'm not. Having autism and ADHD has always left me constantly misunderstood. I've been cyberbullied for lying about being disabled when it's the truth. Most people think when they find out that I just want attention. In real life my parents always fail to really see my struggles. They want me to be someone that is really hard for me to be. They don't understand me. I know they try but it's really hard for anyone to actually understand me.

Katy has really shown me that it's okay to be yourself. That even if you aren't normal or a little weird, that it's okay. She's also shown me that I shouldn't give up on what I love and one of those things is writing. She's shown me that even if life throws me down to get back up and keep fighting. I will keep fighting. As a self-educated writer, it's not easy to learn from yourself. Someday I want to make a difference, just like Katy. I want to be an advocate for people with not only autism but all ranges of disabilities. I want to show them that it's okay to be who you are and that you shouldn't let ignorance hold you down.

I want to show the world what she showed me. I hope someday I will become a writer. I want to use my ability to show people what my writing can do. I want the world to see what it's done to me and how i managed to survive the falls and failures in my life. I want people to see that I never gave up even when I felt like I was going to. I just want people to know I'm out there and that I'm ready to show them what I've been through so they know they aren't alone.

I haven't found out how to do that but I know someday that it's what I'm going to do.


Sep. 19th, 2012 05:46 pm
autisticalice: (blushing; n)
 I think I'll leave this as public since I'll be using it as a writing blog. I might update a few times on my condition but only if the mood strikes me or I have something I need to rant about. If you have LJ then you can add me on there. That one is friends only and also a paid account. I'm actually fed up with LJ because they are making changes and no one seems to realize what having autism is like.

I mean if only one person complains who is like me, they aren't going to care, I know but it still drives me nuts because I like the post entry setup now. It's bad enough they took my writer's block away and now they are forcing me to like some new update page? Yeah... not going to happen. =.=

Later, I'll do tags but right now I'm so aggravated that I want to scream. >_>;
autisticalice: (Default)
So this is my first time here. Since LJ is changing and I also love to write, i decided I'd check this place out. I really hope I will meet better people here. I don't have many friends on LJ that actually read my entries.
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